Earlier in the year I attended a neoclassical goth forum at the casino titled 'Sustainability and spiderwebs: the future directions of dark wave and death rock'. Discourses around sustainability routinely focus on the environment iow how many trees Toyota can replant to supplement the pulp consumed by middle managers printing The Lonely Planet's Guide to the Maldives in full? But broadly blogging, sustainability is a plan for the future. As I listened to a range of batcavers speak, it got me thinking that sustainability in the context of gothic fashions must mean stark styles that transcend death. Goths are inevitably mortal but must their attire be subject to the same transitory condition?
I've since spent the past summer burying pigs in the garden. Although I am a meat minimiser and strongly value the contribution and intelligence of farm boars, I have dressed and disposed 18 pigs. I'm testing the durability of highly morbid, eroticised gothic fashions to identify the most viable and vampy fabric to allow goths to rest in peace, free of rotting styles. It's genuine coffin care! I'll be digging up these morbid bodies periodically to understand the strengths and weaknesses of the various noir nylon blends and will provide a detailed report of the results on a goth forum. Who would have imagined that visiting the riverside money morgue would lead to such business prospects and a $100 downpayment to reserve the domain name gravegarments.com? It's another reminder that good things come to those who blog modern rubbish bi-annually.
Please note, pentacles and crux ansatas are excluded from the scope of my research - in a bizarre college ritual, dozens of teenagers once dug up the remains of a campus goth to find the badly decomposed corpse still dressed in its neopagan metal neck chain. Alas I'm confident these starry symbols- already synonymous with strength and eternal protection- are keeping goths appropriately accessorised, from cradle to grave.
In closing I leave you with a very relevant and effective message delivered by our leader Robot Chicken on an annual leave day. Check it out here: